I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
