I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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