yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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