8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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