I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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