I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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