Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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