He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize