The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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