he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
