My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
