I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
