I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
