i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
