Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
