We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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