Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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