I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
