This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
