Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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