Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
