we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
