I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
