We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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