better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
