I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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