he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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