it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
