are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
