I cannot find my penis.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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