You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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