hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
