Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
