Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
