ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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