i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
