Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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