Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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