What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
