Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
