I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
