I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just found puke in my bra..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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