do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize