it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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