you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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