just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
wakey wakey hands off snakey
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
