Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize