Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize