i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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