just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she smelled like a LAN party
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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