To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
