Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
