I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
