i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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