i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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