my phone needs a breathalizer
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
