Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
