Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
