She went from zero to smokin in five shots
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
