I don't usually arrange sex via text message
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
