We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
