dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
