I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
