I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
