Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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