i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
