Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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